her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
the raccoons are back...
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