Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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