Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
