my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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