She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
