i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
