All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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