Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize