You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
