I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
