Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
