Your mouth is God's brothel.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
