ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
