when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize