So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
