He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have aggressive nipples.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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