oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
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I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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