Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
