Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
