STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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