New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
