i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize