I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
