something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
