Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
