Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
