The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
