He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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