My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
