we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
