First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
