So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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