In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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