That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
