sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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