I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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