Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
