brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
