She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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