pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
