I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
