We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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