somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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