I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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