but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
