I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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