Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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