i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
