Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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