Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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