I'm jealous of your bromance
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
