I'm going to jail i love you
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
