What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you never un-have a 4some
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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