bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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