DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
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Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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