She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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