just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
