You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
