Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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