You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
