I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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