After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
