also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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