i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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