Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
