Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
